We all thrive to be the best person we can be. More often than not, we end up disappointed. It’s really hard to suppress the evil in us. It’s not our born nature that dictates who we become, it’s our choices that shape our future. You want to be a free soul, don’t murder and end up in jail. Easy. The extreme evil is easy to suppress, like the murderer in us, the thief in us,the lunatic in us. The borderline evil is the hardest. We justify it to push it to the not-so-evil side. The friend betrayer, the backstabber, the liar. We reason with ourself, that it was a necessary action and a victimless crime. Sometimes the line is so blurred that we no longer know who the victim is, us or them?

Deep down, we are all horrible people, gossiping and hurting unsuspecting friends. Almost all the people I know have been a victim of a hate crime, including myself. When that incident happened, I felt disgraced and hated by many, and no one was standing by me. But we all got through it, haven’t we? People say, those who stood by you in times of trouble were the ones who are genuine to the friendship. But truth to be told, I feel that the reason they stood by can simply be one of convenience. Chances are they probably have no friends to begin with, or they have a hidden agenda, like they happen to hate the same people who hated me. After secondary school, I’ve learn to be more subtle about my intentions regardless of it’s nature. The only way to keep out of such trouble is to learn to be independent. When you rely on people, and they turn their back on you, the mere thought is devastating. I have taken all sense of dependency for my friends, molded it and gave it to my bf. So the burden my bf have is probably too much for him to even realise it. It’s not the kind of pressure I want him to know either.

People around me recently are too whiny for me. I have kept them at bay but not as far as I would ideally want. I can’t decide who I resent more, the whiny ones or the depressing one. Some people are just oh so depressing to be with! I’m fine with you telling me your problem but don’t make it mine. I really hope I’d meet more cheery people in the future because life’s too short be live by gloomily. I feel that I secretly hate everyone I meet. -_- how cynical. I think the worst of people and I need to change but I have always been diplomatic enough to never let people find out how much I detest them. In conclusion, I’m a horrible horrible person,who distrust any human being who comes close to me, who hates depressing people and contradictory.

Cheers!

All I can say is that, I’m sorry we couldn’t keep pace.

To describe this semester is hard. It’s not exactly hectic but I’m exhausted. Eventful but not all happy endings.

Some people say it’s advice, some people say it’s meddling, it’s a thin line actually and has to be done with sincerity and precision.

Some people are born listener and others, not so much but you learn to work with it. Everyone is searching for the best advice and most people have someone to turn to. But for me, I don’t have the luxury of having that someone. Everyone around me is so self aborbed that none care about what I have to say. No one asks. That is untile I met Prema, a mild mannered ex housemate that I was fortunate to have. Everytime I’m stucked in a sticky predicament, she says the right things; it might not have been a fantastic piece of advice but it always made me feel better. This semester, she’s leaving for Newcastle and before she left she came all the way to meet me to have a light chat over lunch. It’s probably the highlight of the semester.

It’s a pity we wont be in the same place and frankly, it is harder to stay in touch. But she’s one of the few that is worthy of a long distance friendship. Without her, my last few years would have been too miserable to imagine.

Staying in touch with a friend is not my strong suit, and I dont know why but I’ll try. But once it’s lost, it’s hard to trace back to it’s previous glory.

=) Back to my books.

Cheers!

Nature

“There comes a time when we need to grow. The nature of life is change; either things must grow with us or they will die.”

It’s time for me to grow out of it, and move on to other things better.

Don’t change me

Don’t waver the trust and respect I have for you. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone.

流星花园

记得很多年前，看流星花园同时，想象着它描述我以后的爱情童话。现在我的爱情跟少女漫画大不相同，心没有《扑通扑通》地跳 ，也没有第二男主角疯狂的追求。但是唯一通格的是我有了现实生活的白马王子。

That’s the most I can write in mandarin without google-ing every other word.

While dramas evolved over the years, Meteor Garden remains as my one and only fantasy romance story. It may not have the greatest of storyline, it may be full of cliché, it may not have the best looking main leads *seriously, Vanness and ZhuXiaoTian, what were they thinking*, but it was my first drama that made me realise boys are more than pulling your pigtail and annoying you till you feel like punching them up down left right.

But soon, this illusion of having the perfect relationship that mirrors Meteor Garden spelled disaster for me. My subsequent “relationship” with jerks just kept coming and coming like I was a magnet for tragedy.  Soon I gave up trying, that was in 2007 and I met nkh in 2008. Funny how the more you look for it, the more it tries to evade you and the moment you sit still, without looking far, it comes crashing into you like glue and paper. =)

I love him and will always do. =)

I am so angry, very very angry. And it’s not directed at anyone, it’s EVERYONE. I’m afraid my bodyy can’t take it anymore and I’m going to blow up like a christmas chimney. Don’t get me wrong, I have a new found ability to supress my anger by counting to 10. It works to supress the anger temporarily and prevent me from shouting at tom dick or harry that crosses my path at that instant. But bottling it all up is taking a toll on me. I have to vent my angry and I can’t seem to find a channel to do so healthy. While anger is fueled by hatred for many, it’s worrisome that gets me all shaken up. I worry about way way too many things. And the smallest thing sets me off.

I just hope that one day I’ll find an outlet good enough for me to not boil my blood so much that cancers start setting in.

Love is like The Ghost – everyone talks about it, but few has seen it.

I’m so drunk with love movies these few days. Don’t you love it when you watch this scene and it is so oh-my-romantic and you emit this high pitch frequency, so high that you were afraid that bats are going to start flying in. Or maybe it’s just me. Well, I am a sucker for happy endings and I dread endings seen in movies like “The break-up” or like “Prime” or worse, “500 days of summer”, but at least they gave me a fair warning at the beginning of the movie.

While most people enjoy the mixed characters and their conflicting personality, I don’t. I hate it when the “cunning-rival” appears or when the main character gets set up by someone else. People say it gives the show a more holistic approach and reflects reality truly. The only reason I watch romantic comedy is to make up for my silly life, so why should I see the ugly truth when I can opt for a better ending?

Anyway, I’d like to list down my favourite love/romantic movies. I might miss out a few good ones, because I can’t think straight now and I do not claim to have watched an extensive list.

1. Pride and Prejudice

I can’t believe I’ve gone by so long without reading the book. I must say it is one of the best. And now since I’ve watched the movie, I’m contemplating whether or not to read the book. Hmmm..

2. The Holiday

Jude Law is a charming CHARMING man. And the way he portrayed a father/widower, I mean my eyes open wide when it switched from LA to London.

3. The Notebook

You cannot not cry, you cannot not scream. You just can’t.

4. At First Sight (book)

Okay, foul play, this is a book. But I’m telling you, I don’t remember not crying and that’s all I’m saying.

5. P.S. I love you

This is one that scares me a little because it literally wrote out my fear about leaving the one I love behind and how little I can do for them. The thought of it alone, tears me up. That’s why I say to him, “The cruelest thing I can do to you is dying.”

6. Sleepless in Seattle

It’s Tom Hanks. Period.

7. Love Actually

I mean who hasn’t watched that show? Everyone is in it.

The list could go on. I’ll update when I come across movie worthy to be on my list. And it’s just my list, so don’t judge.

Love and good night.

It’s me against the world!

One of the funnier conversation I had with NKH

Kwok™ Ng says

now the stunner deal 5.50

not 5 le

so i dun want to buy

Lessandra kate says

50 cents more only bibi

Kwok™ Ng says

no no no

50cent from 10k custumers is 5k

i wont let them win de

cuz i eat at lease once a week

so 2 dollars a mth

24 a year

Lessandra kate says

….

Kwok™ Ng says

i need time to accept the change

suddenly change feel like being cheated

wait for other fast food rest increase their price too

now hungry jack only ma

so not inflation

they juz want to make more money

Isnt he cute. Love.

HMD

Lying on the bed at 6 am, I await the footsteps that quietly hinted her arrival. She steps in and routinely turned off the air condition while pondering whether to switch on the fan. She reaches for the overlooked switches that were left on by me while she mumbles on about the money that I’ve wasted. That’s my mother.

Happy Mother’s Day. Yes, I am well aware it is not till this coming Sunday but for I will be on the plane back then, I chose to give her my well intended wishes now.

I want nothing more for her good health for I desire her presence at my baby shower where she will verbally pass her wisdom of upbringing to me.

I want nothing more for her to be happy for I desire her remaining years to be worth her suffering, bring up 4 children virtually on her own.

And lastly I want nothing more for her patience for it will be years before I can repay her all I can for what she have done for me and for us.

To all other mother’s out there, Auntie, Kajie, I only wish that you know we love you as much as you love us.

For so many reasons

I stop at happy endings. Pause. And take a deep breath.