We all thrive to be the best person we can be. More often than not, we end up disappointed. It’s really hard to suppress the evil in us. It’s not our born nature that dictates who we become, it’s our choices that shape our future. You want to be a free soul, don’t murder and end up in jail. Easy. The extreme evil is easy to suppress, like the murderer in us, the thief in us,the lunatic in us. The borderline evil is the hardest. We justify it to push it to the not-so-evil side. The friend betrayer, the backstabber, the liar. We reason with ourself, that it was a necessary action and a victimless crime. Sometimes the line is so blurred that we no longer know who the victim is, us or them?

Deep down, we are all horrible people, gossiping and hurting unsuspecting friends. Almost all the people I know have been a victim of a hate crime, including myself. When that incident happened, I felt disgraced and hated by many, and no one was standing by me. But we all got through it, haven’t we? People say, those who stood by you in times of trouble were the ones who are genuine to the friendship. But truth to be told, I feel that the reason they stood by can simply be one of convenience. Chances are they probably have no friends to begin with, or they have a hidden agenda, like they happen to hate the same people who hated me. After secondary school, I’ve learn to be more subtle about my intentions regardless of it’s nature. The only way to keep out of such trouble is to learn to be independent. When you rely on people, and they turn their back on you, the mere thought is devastating. I have taken all sense of dependency for my friends, molded it and gave it to my bf. So the burden my bf have is probably too much for him to even realise it. It’s not the kind of pressure I want him to know either.

People around me recently are too whiny for me. I have kept them at bay but not as far as I would ideally want. I can’t decide who I resent more, the whiny ones or the depressing one. Some people are just oh so depressing to be with! I’m fine with you telling me your problem but don’t make it mine. I really hope I’d meet more cheery people in the future because life’s too short be live by gloomily. I feel that I secretly hate everyone I meet. -_- how cynical. I think the worst of people and I need to change but I have always been diplomatic enough to never let people find out how much I detest them. In conclusion, I’m a horrible horrible person,who distrust any human being who comes close to me, who hates depressing people and contradictory.

Cheers!

All I can say is that, I’m sorry we couldn’t keep pace.

To describe this semester is hard. It’s not exactly hectic but I’m exhausted. Eventful but not all happy endings.

Some people say it’s advice, some people say it’s meddling, it’s a thin line actually and has to be done with sincerity and precision.

Some people are born listener and others, not so much but you learn to work with it. Everyone is searching for the best advice and most people have someone to turn to. But for me, I don’t have the luxury of having that someone. Everyone around me is so self aborbed that none care about what I have to say. No one asks. That is untile I met Prema, a mild mannered ex housemate that I was fortunate to have. Everytime I’m stucked in a sticky predicament, she says the right things; it might not have been a fantastic piece of advice but it always made me feel better. This semester, she’s leaving for Newcastle and before she left she came all the way to meet me to have a light chat over lunch. It’s probably the highlight of the semester.

It’s a pity we wont be in the same place and frankly, it is harder to stay in touch. But she’s one of the few that is worthy of a long distance friendship. Without her, my last few years would have been too miserable to imagine.

Staying in touch with a friend is not my strong suit, and I dont know why but I’ll try. But once it’s lost, it’s hard to trace back to it’s previous glory.

=) Back to my books.

Cheers!

Nature

“There comes a time when we need to grow. The nature of life is change; either things must grow with us or they will die.”

It’s time for me to grow out of it, and move on to other things better.

Don’t change me

Don’t waver the trust and respect I have for you. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone.

流星花园

记得很多年前，看流星花园同时，想象着它描述我以后的爱情童话。现在我的爱情跟少女漫画大不相同，心没有《扑通扑通》地跳 ，也没有第二男主角疯狂的追求。但是唯一通格的是我有了现实生活的白马王子。

That’s the most I can write in mandarin without google-ing every other word.

While dramas evolved over the years, Meteor Garden remains as my one and only fantasy romance story. It may not have the greatest of storyline, it may be full of cliché, it may not have the best looking main leads *seriously, Vanness and ZhuXiaoTian, what were they thinking*, but it was my first drama that made me realise boys are more than pulling your pigtail and annoying you till you feel like punching them up down left right.

But soon, this illusion of having the perfect relationship that mirrors Meteor Garden spelled disaster for me. My subsequent “relationship” with jerks just kept coming and coming like I was a magnet for tragedy.  Soon I gave up trying, that was in 2007 and I met nkh in 2008. Funny how the more you look for it, the more it tries to evade you and the moment you sit still, without looking far, it comes crashing into you like glue and paper. =)

I love him and will always do. =)